Faith - FULL

For the past year I've been serving a little country church as a worship leader a couple times a month.  In the last couple of years this church went through some devastating challenges.  The building was severely damaged in a hailstorm which caused them to close their doors for a time. They also endured the departure of their pastor and worship leader through some incredibly sad and demoralizing circumstances.

Some remained. Kept the doors open. Hired worship leaders. Hired an interim pastor. Stayed faithful. Stayed steady. Believing God was at work. Even when the evidence was missing. Even when there were only 20 people. They remained...

FAITHFULL

If honesty becomes me at all, I admit I struggled having said "yes" to little country church in the beginning. I wasn't invested in their story, or in their people. I wasn't sure I should have committed for the season I did. I wasn't sure I wanted to enter into their struggle.

Small country church, in the beginning, made me feel small. It confirmed the feeling I had going on inside of me. I felt a little like that beat up church.

Taking a role there, in worldly terms, also sort of made me feel like there were no better opportunities for me. Without ever voicing it, somehow I processed that God was winding down my season of ministry and I was washing up on shore, to dry out. After all, I had worked in much bigger and impressive venues, and small country church pointed to my disqualification.

The other day my son asked me "Mom, what happened to your music career?"

*burn*

His words, unintended, seared deep. Striking a chord within me that I try not to play very often.

He remembers several years when I was constantly on the go, packing them up to either join us on the road or stay with family or friends for the weekend. We were playing concerts, coffeehouses, Sunday morning worship services...all over the place. It was an adventure. They got to stay in hotels and run around in vacant churches during sound checks.  We would change the littles into their jammies post service for the trek home. I love those memories. I love the ministry that occurred that still has ripple effects today...but, I remember how hard it all was at times too.

I tell people regarding God's call on our lives, "There is a season of grace....for a season. Then it lifts". The lifting of our season of grace demanded our convergence. Kids grow and get busy. With their own stuff. Moms get tired. Kids need moms and dads. Marriages need attention. Music industry is hard. Hard. Discouragement is real. Fatigue is dangerous if ignored. Ministry suffers.

 

"Nothing happened."  I insisted. "We just slowed down."  

This is true, except for the "nothing happened" part. Something happened. It felt like relief to no longer run the race of juggling two very distinct and opposite lives.  I wasn't very good at it, and still am not good at it. We did intentionally slow down.  We made a conscious choice to put other things first. Responsible and logical. Grateful and grounded. But,  "other things first" also felt like failure.

I think faithfulness often looks ordinary. Faithfulness looks like being there for homework and football games. It looks like sitting down for a family dinner. It looks like setting my marriage as a priority. It looks like having peace of mind and a pace set by God. Faithfulness looks like staying steady. Believing He is at work, even when the evidence is missing. Even when we don't feel full we remain...faith-full.

Faithfulness looks like knowing Jesus.

 "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33

FAITHFULL

I listened to a song this morning that resonated, underground.  It felt like home. I melted into this melody and lyric combo. God's call is still there...how I'm wired, how I communicate, what is deep inside of me.  I'm urged to run as fast as possible to the piano to create, emote, and capture a piece of life. There is not much I love more than this exchange. Not much can compare to the satisfaction of words, melody, and meaning intertwined to say something in a new way.  It is so rich. Still there.

Yesterday, little country church installed a new pastor they had faithfully prayed for over a year.  There were 61 people in attendance and it was FULL of life.  FULL of hope. FULL of purpose. 

It was a resurrection Sunday as we tearfully sang... "Faithful you have been, and faithful you will be, you pledge yourself to me and it's why I sing.....your praise will ever be on my lips"

I