So Paint
/I'm certain the last time I sat down to write anything that wasn't a reminder or a check was the last time I posted a blog? It was titled 'Ice Day'. And, though something was quite relevant about that post at the time and there were lessons learned...something did freeze over. I've spent far too long doing what I deem necessary over what might be considered luxury. But I'm starting to get that necessary includes some luxury soul keeping or as a good friend reminds "soul shepherding".
A favorite movie of ALMOST every woman I know is "The Notebook". There is something that deeply resonates in my heart as I engage the story. A young couple, Allie and Noah are passionately in love and, then torn apart through misunderstanding and circumstances. Each finding their own ways to cope with the lost relationship, for years distracting themselves with other pursuits. She falls in love with Lon, a wealthy and handsome soldier Someone that makes sense and someone who is a practical choice for her. He is kind and good to her....but deeply known in her heart, something is still missing.
One day she has a revelation. "I don't paint anymore, I used to paint all the time and I really loved it" she said to Lon. He replies "I didn't know that......so paint."
She used to paint when her heart was alive with passion, when she was in touch with something raw and untamed in her soul. When a carefree and adventurous spirit was alive. The story continues with a pilgrimage back to her first love (Noah) after all the years of counterfeit.....she paints again.
Last spring I purchased Shauna Niequists book "Present Over Perfect" as a birthday present to myself. And the very fact that I only recently read it long after it's release date is a true giveaway that life for me over the past many months has been...well...perhaps the opposite of both the words in that title. In the book Shauna tells her own story of 'leaving behind frantic for a more soulful way of living'.
A typical morning for our family I'm sure resembles so many others. We are certainly in the norm for a family in our season of life. Round one gets up and out the door, my oldest son. Then my husband and another son, and then boy 3 and I. Many times we are getting ourselves ready in the half-lit stillness of the morning. Kids sometimes eating breakfast in the dark, eyes closed, wrapped in blankets. I down a morning shake and a coulple sips of coffee. Then some energy kicks in and we begin rushing around looking for lost socks and underwear. By the time we've managed to turn the house upside down, off we go...buttoned up and shiny.
Frantic.
I think it's so funny how we leave our houses a complete mess in order to walk out the door "put together"? I understand that sometimes there are just busy seasons when the demand is high, but to continually neglect the inside so the outside can thrive? I can't do that for very long. Real shine happens from the inside out. Not by turning upside down.
Please don't hear me say a clean house means a put together life...often a too clean house indicates something of the opposite. I'm speaking about balance, purpose and passion. I have found I don't 'paint' anymore, or at least the way I used to.
So..
I have to stop and nourish my soul. Rather than chugging down the figurative morning nutrition shake and be on my way, I have to prepare a table of the real stuff. Taking time to taste and see His goodness. I give myself permission to put the to-do- list aside, even for a short part of my morning in order 'to-do' my life better. To wake up and not plug-in, rather BE-in His presence. The great consultant of my schedule. The master life coach. Because "In Him we live and move and have our being." I don't want the counterfeit, striving life. I long for the authentic, abiding one.
How I ache for the raw and untamed. For the carefree and adventurous. It begins here in the intimacy with my creator. A lifelong pilgrimage back to my first love. Vibrant colors and meaningful textures emerge and there I live out my truest self.