Undguarded honesty..

My best friend Sarah and I weren’t always friends. She jokes that she decided not to like me from a distance. I recall having similar feelings. We sat across the room from each other in our college concert choir. I was a freshman music major.

There was an indescribable tension between the two of us. Being honest, I had made a judgement based on her outward appearance, and she had done the same toward me. In our young, 18 year old immaturity, our dislike for each other increased as time went on. Really based on nothing. Just assumption. And let's just get real, I was jealous. She is beautiful and charismatic!!

Weird things started happening though. People kept telling us how similar we were. We would show up to class wearing the exact same clothing. To quote her “a white button up long sleeve, boot cut jeans, and chunky shoes” (*cough cough* It was the 90’s) This sort of thing happened over and over. All the while, we independently maintained that we were not fond of the other.

Until the day everything changed.

Sarah was having a hard day. I could see in her face that she was upset and on the verge of tears. I didn’t know her, but I just knew. I asked if she was ok, and then the floodgate of emotion surfaced. Because of this, she and I went into a private room and talked. In the next minutes, which turned into hours....assumption turned to awareness, and awareness to understanding. Her vulnerability gave me permission to be vulnerable too.  It was the beginning of a life long friendship ( almost 20 years) that has been truly God given. We are sisters.

In those moments, rather than choosing assumption and judgment....we chose connection which led to understanding and compassion.

A life lesson learned.

I think the key to connection is a willingness to say the true things...like 'I'm a mess', and then 'me too' in return. All of my most meaningful and best friendships each have the foundation of torn down facades and unguarded honesty.

I stink and pretending.  It's exhausting and I'm done with that.

How much better could it have been from the start had each of us assumed the best of each other? We wasted time in the foggy mess of our own insecurities.

Ultimately, speaking for myself, it comes down to fear. The fear of being too thin-skinned. Negative interactions in my past have caused me, at times, to approach certain people at arms length and assume unfounded things about them. I currently am a work in progress.

The bible reminds us that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but He’s given us a spirit of power and love and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Living from really knowing that God is good and ‘works all things together for those that love Him and are called for His purposes’ (Romans 8:28).... I can approach any person or situation knowing that HE is perfect in everything, hence letting love lead the way and placing my trust in Him alone...no matter how another person behaves.  

I can’t control someone else, but I can control myself and how I live out love. Of course it is inevitable that others will let us down at times throughout our lives,... but it’s here that we get to practice forgiveness and again trust the one who holds all things together. Let Him lead us in the way of healthy boundaries and live free.